I’m not quite sure whether this is a sneak peek for you guys into my marriage.
Or whether this is a sneak peek for Gavin and I into parenthood.
But either way… It’s real and it’s hard. It’s been a while since I shared something so intimate, but just like the Deftones kiss and how I felt about my birthday, there are little moments, shifts in perspective and life changes that are just best documented. And I don’t mind sharing with you…
Pregnancy has been great to me. Yes, I have had morning sickness, ligament pains, breakouts and a whole host of unsexy side effects, but I can still get on with my day to day life undisrupted. And as I hear of more and more women who are having to quit work due to unrelenting, debilitating pregnancy symptoms, I can only count my lucky shiny stars that so far is so good.
In truth, my main concern has been my marriage.
Over the last 6 weeks or so, I’m sure I could be forgiven for thinking that I was going to be knee deep in a loved up haze, watching my body grow with our little Cub, planning for the future and snuggling away the last of the Australian winter with my hunk of a husband.
But what has faced us has been altogether more… well… sh*t.
Moving house is stressful at the best of times. But throw in the fact that we hadn’t a stick of furniture to move in with (our last place was fully furnished), we had to buy and move white goods including a major massive fridge, we were moving 40 kms (25miles) away to the other side of the river, I couldn’t really lift anything worth talking about AND we decided to not take any time off work and do it all in one weekend!! You can imagine just how that pressure mounts.
I can honestly say that we would never, ever have been able to pull it off if it wasn’t for our incredible friends. They rallied round to lend many a hand and ute to the process. All beyond appreciated.
But meanwhile, as the wheels of life carried us from planning the move to actually sitting at our new dinner table one night, I realised I was missing one core friend in this whole scenario.
While Gavin busied himself taking care of everything physical (so I didn’t have to) and I took care of all the logistics and legal requirements, we drifted further and further apart from each other in every other sense. So that when all the friends had left and we stared at the boxes that needed unpacking, we could barely say anything to each other that wasn’t a fuctional request, “Can you hand me the screwdriver please?” or the beginnings of a bicker, “I can’t believe you don’t remember where you packed our passports!!”.
Monday came and thus the work week commenced, leaving Gavin and I as cold, irritated passing ships most of the time as we negotiated new routes to and from work, discussed petrol prices and flopped on the couch after unpacking more f*cking boxes.
This was not the life I imagined in our new beautiful house and as the little being growing in my belly would have it, I became a weepy, disappointed mess of a woman for a few days.
Seeing my distress and feeling his own sense of disappointment and exhaustion, Gavin did his best to give me hugs and reassure me that we just needed to “stop being so distant”. But after a few conversations on how we were both feeling, nothing really changed.
This scared me. You’re meant to talk about it and feel better, right? That’s how you fix relationships and get closer to your man. So why the holy good f*ck wasn’t it working anymore. Is this what life is going to be like now in a house with a family?
Melodramatic as my thought process became, Gavin stayed pretty strong in the knowledge that all would be ok. It was just a matter of when.
So for the weekend just gone, we agreed to keep socialising to a minimum, stop bickering and start being more light hearted with each other. We spent time cuddling, talking, pottering, joking and kissing. All the things we kind of, well, forgot about during the move.
Things are better. We are closer. And while every relationship ebbs and flows with change, it’s nice to know that with a bit of effort and dedicated time, we can always click right back into place.
Here’s hoping we can use the same tactics when the baby is born.
What do you guys do to get back in line with your men folk?
Did any of you mama readers find ways around marriage upheaval when the baby was born?
Love and Sunday afternoon naps,